Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Janilani's Least Loved Christmas Tales

Go get your cup of cocoa and gather 'round the fire kids.

This is the story of what happened to Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer after Christmas. Yaaaaaaay!


After Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer went down in history just like the song says -- and his tour of duty serving Santa was complete; Santa shot Rudolph in the head and after removing the sleigh bells, he slit Rudolphs throat and hung him upside down in the shed to drain. Then Santa sharpened his new hunting knife that he bought on, gutted Rudolph and made a lovely and savory venison stew for all the elves and Mrs. Santa.

Then Santa sliced Rudolph's meat very thin and made venison jerky and froze some venison steaks in preparation for the long, cold winter so he wouldn't have to kill and eat a few elves like last year.

R.I.P. Herbie

Then Santa got his axe and killed The Abominable Snowman and made Yeti burgers because without any teeth, Snowy was only able to consume liquified walrus blubber shakes and Mrs. Claus was fed up with having to clean puréed walrus innards from her blender blades.

Abominable Snowman

But Santa spared Clarice a bloody demise because she and Rudolph had done the nasty! She was pregnant and Santa really wanted to have another mutant reindeer just like Rudolph to guide his sleigh for next year!

Clarice & Rudolph

Be good kids or you could end up like Rudolph or The Abominable Snowman!

'nighty-night and Merry Christmas!

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